Behind Closed Doors: The Heart Can't Lie
by Cuddy Cabin
Summary: Bosco struggles, as he watches the woman he loves trample on his heart and continue on a downward spiral that threatens to give them both a life without love. BoscoCruz shipper...and by CuddyCabin..who'd of thought? FINISHED MARCH 23
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Third Watch and I'm not making any money from this...just hire me on to write on the show and we'll be all set. This is my first Cruz story...so be patient. This is dedicated to my New Yorker friend, Tia (You know who you are.. and Dallas says hi.), who has started to change my mind about our feisty friend and has made a Cruz/Bosco believer out of me! I am not following any story line...just read and see if you like.

**Behind Closed Doors: The Heart Can't Lie**

**Why?**

How did it happen? Why couldn't I see that she would be the one? The one to take my heart and rip it out and make me feel something that I'd never felt before; pain. Not any kind of pain; the kind that comes from knowing that you are _totally_, _stupidly, insanely _in love with someone who doesn't love you back..

I thought that maybe she loved me. All those times she whispered in my ear, making me think about one thing and one thing only; having her until I died and went to heaven, all of that just made it all the more real and painful to me. And the worst part about it was that I loved her. Really loved her.

Now I know that I don't have the best reputation within the female population and I havn't exactly been known to stick around after a one night stand or to ever call again, but when I'm loyal, I'm loyal to a bloody fault. All she had to do was have me _once _and I was a goner. I got lost in those dark, mesmerizing eyes, eyes that I saw every night behind my eyelids, eyes that called to me from across a room. Eyes that never looked at me the same way again. Those long dark lashes and almond shaped eyes only looked at me with blankness. Alarmingly blank.

I wanted to call her or go over and talk face to face, to ask her why she blew me off and accused me of being clingy. Clingy and me didn't exactly mix and I was hardly what you'd call a clingy guy. But _she_ thought I was. _She_ didn't want to talk about it, when I was so full of hot air and passion that it made me just about crazy from wanting her so much. I wanted to erase her from my mind permanently and not remember making love to her. I wanted to walk up to her and grab her slender shoulders and shake her like a rag doll and demand that she tell me why. I wanted to run to her and bury my head in her lap and cuddle my head against the softness of her breast and cry and plead for her to love me even a little.

But like the fool I always was, I did none of that. I kept my mouth shut and pretended that she didn't matter to me.

I said her name in my sleep as I wrapped my arms around two of my pillows, pretending that I was holding her. I could feel the richness of her long dark hair in my fingers, could smell the coconut shampoo that she used that made me nuts and it was driving me insane. I lay on my bed in my small apartment with the smell of her still on my white sheets, which I refused to wash because then the smell of her would be permanently gone, and dreamed about her.

It had only been two weeks since we had slept together last, but it seemed to me like an eternity. Maybe it was because I knew she didn't feel the same way. Maybe she had already moved on and met someone else...no...she couldn't have...could she? She couldn't be that callous...that unfeeling.

'Dammit.' I growled to myself as I tried to tear myself away from the thoughts that were destined to make this day hellish and changed for, yet, another shift at the five-five. I slammed my locker door shut and sat down on the bench to tie up my laces. I hated putting on the uniform after being able to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work when I got to work Anti-Crime and I was pretty sure Swersky wouldn't go for the jeans thing.

Lately I was almost glad that I was back on my regular tour with Faith because it gave me the chance to not have to see Maritza and see the way that she _didn't_ look at me. There was no longing there. Not one trace of interest in what I did. I had run into her the day before at the hospital on a case with Faith and had tried my best to make her jealous by flirting with the new paramedic, Jill Dolman, and she didn't even bat an eye...not an eye! But I really did like working Anti-Crime and I kind of missed the excitement. Since Maritza decided not to have anything to do with me, I had been cut from the list, it seemed. Either way I looked at it I was miserable.

'What's your problem? Get up on the wrong side of someone's bed this morning?' Faith teased me as she walked to her locker and threw her duffle down beside it. She was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a black turtleneck sweater and her brown suede jacket. She laughed loudly, her characteristic, high-pitched wail as she put her long blond hair up in a bun. 'Cat got your tongue?'

I turned sideways and cast her a scathing glance, not impressed. 'Do you think you're funny or something?' I snapped as I finished tying my laces and stood up facing her.

She made a small face, the one that she makes when she is trying to aggravate the hell out of me. 'Ooooohhhhhh...I take that as a yes.' She said in a mocking tone, rolling her eyes at me.

'Just mind your own damn business today, got it? I just want to get this shift over with, without your little comments and your mothering me around...ok?' I ordered her hotly, snapping my black belt around my waste and adjusted it.

She looked at me, her eyes widened in confusion. Usually it was me trying to joke with her and cheer her up and for once she had started the witty banter first and it hit me wrong. I knew I was being mean and taking it out on her but I couldn't help it. I pivoted quickly and marched toward the door of the locker room before I ran into someone like Sully or heaven forbid, Monroe, who would just say something stupid and annoy me even more.

'Oh, I see. You're on your period.' She grumbled almost under her breath as she turned around and pulled her sweater over her head.

Without stopping to reply, I yanked open the door and let it slam shut behind me. It was gonna be one hell of a day.


	2. A Matter Of The Heart

**A Matter Of The Heart**

I woke up this morning dreading going to work. I got out of bed and put on my black tights and a NYPD t-shirt and grabbed my blue Nike's and headed to the park for a run. I had my hair pulled up into a ponytail on the top of my head, just the way Bosco always said it looked the best.

I knew I was hoping to run into him on my jog, as he sometimes chose to frequent the same park that I did, but to no avail. He was no where to be seen as I continued on. I passed other runners who were keeping up their pace, feeling my heart pumping so hard it put pins in my side. Running faster and faster, I sped through the dry leaves that crackled under my feet, trying to outrun too many things. Things that were a matter of the heart and knew no right or wrong.

It had been two weeks since I had spoken to the man who had fully and completely captured my heart and made it sing, two weeks since I had made love to the only man who made me feel like a woman. Two, long, painful weeks, in which I had to physically restrain myself from calling him as I lay on my bed smelling him on my sheets.

But he didn't want me. He was angry at me because I called it off first. Angry that I had beaten him to the punch. I had to end it before he did. It was a matter of science, I had thought. Men always get their fill and then they leave you in the lurch. I had seen it too many times with my own mother. Always a different guy in her bed, in her life, until they got what they wanted and then moved on. Always moving on.

Well, I wasn't about to let myself love him when I knew full well that he was like all the rest.

If I hadn't ended it he would have. I was stupid to think otherwise. Maurice Boscorelli didn't stick around, nor did he really give a damn about any woman he slept with. He was out for a good time and that was it. He might have known more about sex and playing around, but I knew more about survival.

I knew how to keep my emotions in check, to keep myself so far removed from everyone that it didn't hurt when they went away or died. I knew how to keep that part of myself locked away and only in my deepest, secret heart did I permit myself to think about love.

Love. What a word. What a concept. A thing that had plagued and beguiled humans since Adam and Eve. How tricky and deceitful it could be, making us believe in something real and good when all along it was waiting to disappear and leave us all alone, wallowing in self-pity and regret.

If I hadn't known better, I might have thought that he was crazy about me. I saw the way he had looked at me before Letty's death, with such longing and desire it almost made me blush. I admit that I teased him a few times, batting my eyes and moving in real close when I talked to him. I could feel his heat and I knew that I was getting to him. But what guy wouldn't get turned on by that? They were all the same.

The night that my sister died, I felt a pain so real and crushing that it was hard to breathe. I was always trying to help her, to get her to stop throwing her life away. I wanted more for her because she deserved it. She had never had a chance to become what she had wanted to be when she was a kid. She always wanted to be a nurse. But, like so many others before us, she felt that she didn't have what it took. Someone was always squelching her tender, undeveloped pride. My mother, my father, people in our neighborhood, always making her think she was less than what she was. She turned to drugs and booze and that was the beginning of the end.

_Oh, Letty, how can I let you go?_

That night Bosco had come to my apartment to see if I was alright. I was shocked to see him there...to know that he cared. Once we started kissing, it was all over for me. The way he tasted, the way his eyes clung to me, as if he wanted to take away all of my pain and bring it into himself, the way he held me tenderly, it was all new to me and it brought me to the realization that I was falling for him. No other man had ever made me feel so wanted and cherished before.

The more it went on, the more I knew I had to end it before I got hurt. Damn him for not just getting up and walking away the second it was over, for staying and holding me in his strong arms and whispering words of comfort in my ear as he stroked my long black hair through his fingers.

Damn him for making me feel when I wasn't strong enough to stop it. And when I told him that he was being clingy, I could see the way his eyes narrowed that he was maybe a little hurt, but I told myself it was for the best. I knew that underneath it all he was just like all the rest. He wasn't tired of me yet but I couldn't afford to be with him any longer. It would just hurt too much when he left.

I arrived home about an hour before my shift. I showered and changed into my favorite jeans and a green slinky long sleeved t-shirt and threw on my black short sleeved vest. I took the subway into work and arrived about fifteen minutes before role call. Dade met me in the hall and told me that Yoshi was out sick. We needed another guy, he said, and could we ask Boscorelli to come on board for the day?

I felt my heart constrict at the thought. That meant that he would have to ride with me all day and just _seeing_ him was hard enough. I didn't want to spend the day with the one man I had fallen for; the one man who made my heart pitter-patter every time I saw him.

Reluctantly, I nodded, trying to keep my emotions in check. _It's no big deal, I told myself. Put on the shield and armor and you'll be fine. Just act like you don't care._

I started toward the locker-room to tell him to get his ass upstairs in five minutes or else, when the door was suddenly thrust open and out he came looking like he was in a surly mood.

I swallowed nervously and curled my lip and gazed at him, my face now a mask of deceit. 'Boscorelli, we need you today. Get your ass up there in five or we'll leave without you.' I snapped at him, as I flicked my gaze toward the ceiling for a moment, terribly afraid that he'd see the tortured look in my face from not having him for so long.

He opened and closed his mouth abruptly, and clenched his jawHe looked at me with anger, anger over what, I wasn't sure. Maybe he really did prefer to be working with Faith or maybe he was still angry with me for being so strong. ' Is that an order, _Sargent_?' He spit out nastily, his cheeks turning a bit red.

I pulled back my shoulders and looked him up and down for a moment, playing my game. ' Yes, _Officer_. It is.'

Before he could say another word, I spun on my heel and continued down the hall. It hurt like hell to act that way. To let him think that I didn't care, when I did, _I did!_ It hurt to see the way he looked at me, with disgust and not one bit of the tenderness he had displayed to me so many times.

I got to the bottom of the stairs, praying that I would have the strength to finish the day without telling him how much I loved him.


	3. Cruzin' Along

**Cruzin Along**

Stunned at her proposal and angry at myself for letting her get to me first thing in the morning, I stalked back into the locker-room to change back into my street clothes. Viciously, I pulled my locker open and started to undress, practically ripping the buttons off of my shirt. Faith, who had finished dressing and was just putting on her belt, stopped what she was doing and put her hands on her hips.

'What are you doing? We have roll-call in five minutes!' She exclaimed. 'I'm not being late on account of you...'

' Cruz wants me today in AC.' I cut in, not wanting to talk with her about it. Faith hated Maritza and made no bones about it.

Her eyes widened, then narrowed as she weighed this information. ' So Cruz calls and you run like a lap-dog with your tongue hanging out of your mouth?'

'I'm not a lap-dog! She's the boss around here and if I have a hope in hell of getting into Anti-Crime I have to work the shifts when she says so.' I snapped, pulling off my pants and sliding them down my legs.

'Whatever. Good to know that you're a dependable partner.' She said icily as she turned away from me and exited the room.

I looked at her back as she walked away from me, a small amount of guilt flooding through me. I wasn't being fair to her, I knew that. But this wasn't something I could talk about with her. She just wouldn't have understood. I pulled my green t-shirt on over my head and told myself it was better this way.

The door banged shut and I was left alone with nothing but my thoughts to aggravate me. On one hand, I was excited about working Anti-Crime again and not just because it meant that I'd get to spend the day with Maritza, however painful it would be, but because I loved the quickness of the job, the way my heart pounded when we had a call and the sense of adventure that was mine when I chased a jag-off perp and caught him. But on the other hand, I was not looking forward to her little comments that were meant to cut into my heart and tear it apart, nor was I looking forward to riding around with her all day just to make my heart bleed a little more by making me sit side by side with her, knowing that I'd never have her again.

But even though it hurt like hell, I was going to take what I could get and at least I would get to see her one way or the other. If I couldn't have her, then I could at least smell her beside me in the cruiser and remember the times that we had together.

To be honest, I didn't know which I preferred.

Dade stuck his head through the door and called me. ' Boscorelli...let's go. We don't have all day and Sarge wants you downstairs!'

'I'm comin'. I mumbled, struggling to pull my jeans up around my waist. I stuffed my feet into my black steel toed work boots and laced them up as fast as I could. I grabbed my NYPD jacket and ran down the stairs after my co-worker.

Cruz was already in our car looking very cranky and miffed that I hadn't made it out there in under four seconds. She had been at the end of the line when God had passed out patience and he'd probably taken one look at her and used her 'bit' on someone else, knowing that it wouldn't have been worth his time.

I opened the door and slid in beside her, taking great pains not to look at how attractive she was in her green shirt and vest ensemble. I slammed the door shut to emphasize that even though I might have had no choice in the matter about working with her unit today, I sure as hell didn't have to like it. I pursed my lips together and looked at her, annoyed by her blatant dislike for me. I crossed my arms over my chest and prepared for her speech.

'We coulda been halfway to Brooklyn by now, Boscorelli. Next time, get your ass movin faster.' She admonished as she put the car in gear and we took off.

'Whatever you say...nutbag.' I mumbled under my breath as I looked out the window. Suddenly, she swerved to the side and the car came to an abrupt stop, as she jammed both of her feet on the brakes. Me, not wearing my seatbelt, tumbled forward and wacked my head against the windshield. Hard. Then, bounced back into my seat. I grabbed my Yankees cap off of my head and ran my palm over my forehead, which was starting to swell.

'What the hell are you doin?' I yelped, stupidly aware that I was yelling at a Senior Officer.

'_What_ did you say?' She shrilled, her eyes wide at my insolence. She was a Sargent...not another beat cop and I had no right to speak to her that way, I knew that. I just hadn't known that she had super-sonic hearing.

I widened my eyes for emphasis. 'I _said_, what the hell are you doin? Trying to kill...'

She thrust the car into park and turned in her seat and glared at me, steam just about coming out of her delicate ears, giving me a very good peek at her cleavage, which she had no qualms about displaying under her usually tight t-shirts. But the shirt she had on had three metal snaps and all three of those snaps were undone, revealing a light colored green lacy bra.

My eyes momentarily settled on her wares, remembering the way we connected, until her hand shot out and pushed my chest, thrusting me against the window. Her eyes were mean and sharp as she hissed at me.

'Listen up, Bosco and listen good...If you eva speak to me like that again I will personally take great pride in hand cuffing you to the back of this car and dragging your sorry ass all the way uptown...you got that!'

I blinked a couple of times and just stared at her, my head aching and trying to drive away the thought of grabbing her right back and kissing the hell out of her right there in the car. Her neck was so...kissable...as was her pouty lips, that right now at that very moment were calling to me even though they were twisted into a vicious sneer.

'You deaf? Did you hear me?' She demanded, narrowing her eyes as she looked at me to see if I was going to behave myself.

'Ya. I heard ya.' I said stubbornly, wishing that I had called in sick today. I tried to keep the hurt out of my face and eyes, already feeling stupid enough, I didn't need her thinking that I was missing any part of her, so I pasted my most condescending look on my face that I could muster and turned away again.

'Ya betta have. Cause I don't need your crap today.' She mumbled meanly, guiding the car back out onto the street.

'No crap here...not from me...you got it..._Sarge_.' I said lightly, my heart aching a bit.

'Do me a favor, Bosco, and don't talk. Is that too much to ask?' She asked me in an overly irritated voice, while her eyes watched the road.

I felt my face flush with anger and my stomach tighten into knots. Did she really expect that I was going to drop everything and just run to her when ever she wanted me to and think that I was gonna ride around with her all day and not be able to open my mouth? As always, when I was hurt, my pride came back full force and caused me to open my mouth when I shouldn't have.

"If havin me here is so much of a bother then why'ja ask me to come?' I barked at her childishly.

She didn't take her eyes off the road as she considered what I'd said. 'Because Yoshi's sick._.that's _why and we needed the extra help if we're gonna get Billy Barnes off the street today...jeez...Bosco..were you always this hung up on yourself?'

My mouth hung open as I struggled to come up with words to justify what she had said. 'Hung up- wait a _minute_–I am not hung up on myself...I...'

'Whatever. I don't care. Let's just get this day over with without any more lip from you and then you can go back to your regular shift with your precious partner Yokas.' She said stiffly, as she guided the car into an abandoned wear house where we found out from a informant that Billy Barnes used as a meth lab. 'I'm sure she'd love to stare at you all day long.' She added, almost in a jealous tone of voice.

She jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut and proceeded to talk to Dade on her walkie-talkie, leaving me to ponder what she had said and more importantly, how she said it.


	4. Tug Of War

**Tug Of War**

_I've seen you watching me_

_Your heart on your sleeve_

_I know your eyes_

_and they don't lie_

_they don't lie_

_You follow me about_

_asking your question_

_in a silence that cuts_

_Cuts to the bone_

_If only we could go back_

_and turn around_

_what we started_

_Maybe we would_

_be in love again_

_I hear your voice_

_and it makes me cry_

_For what we were,_

_what we had_

_If only we could go back_

_and turn around_

_what we started_

_Maybe we would _

_be in love again_

I thought that my day would never end. The not-so-witty banter that Bosco and I had exchanged for pretty much the whole shift had become redundant and stale, and by the time the clock struck ten I no longer worried that I might tell him how much I loved him.

On the contrary; the entire shift had been filled with both of us making rude remarks and then trying to break the tension by saying something 'safe'. It was still one of the most uncomfortable shifts I'd ever had with him. Bosco could be such a child by times, acting sulky and pouting over my unwillingness to tolerate his snarky attitude. He had taken to calling me 'Sarge' in a rather forceful tone, his voice baring down on the word, as if he hated it now, hated calling me his superior. He hadn't used my first name since the day we parted ways and I knew that by not using it, he was continuing to keep himself separate from me. Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like he was brooding over the fact that I wasn't falling down at his feet, begging for him to give me another chance, like so many other females had done. He was used to woman chasing him down and literally giving themselves to him at _his _convenience. And that was one thing that I would never do; chase him down.

But for the most part I tried to concentrate on how we were going to bring down Billy Barnes. Barnes was notorious around his neighborhood of Harlem for selling methamphetamine by the truck loads to who ever was willing to buy, be it a fifty year old or a seven year old. He was an old prick who had not one ounce of a conscience or even common sense. He was only in his mid fifties but a long life doing drugs and drinking had made his face look old and leathery, along with his red bulbous nose. A lot of alcoholics had them. I was making it my personal mission to get this guy off the streets, especially since I knew that he had sold drugs to my beautiful, dead sister.

That was almost enough to keep me from thinking about Bosco, sitting beside me, so close that I could smell the sweet scent of his aftershave. No matter how much he drove me crazy, the smell of him always made me melancholy in a way that I had never known before; the need for him to take me in his arms, overwhelming. I hated feeling so needy.

Although Bosco had annoyed me to the point of me wanting to shoot him in the foot, he did have some quiet moments where he would gaze at me with what, I thought, was maybe a look of regret...or was it something else? By nine o'clock we were no further along and I was starving. I radioed Dade to tell him to go back to the house and that we'd meet him later and pulled into Haggerty's.

We took a booth in the back, mostly because we wanted to discuss our plan of action for the next day. I ordered a hamburger and fries and he had a basket of deep fried clams with onion rings and tartar sauce. I sat back and took a big sip of my pop and watched him as he chewed furiously on his food, while trying to convince me that we needed to go back tonight and get this skell. His face was animated as he spoke and the harshness of his tone told me that he was tired, perhaps too tired to be holding this conversation.

I vaguely wondered why he seemed so tired and if he wasn't getting his sleep, on account of him maybe hooking up with some skank. Feelings of intense jealously ran through my veins at the thought. Dammit, I really had to get my head examined. So, instead of leaning over and grabbing him by the ear and leading him to the back room and showing him just how possessive I felt over him, I turned my attention to what he was saying.

'...I mean, really! Does he think we're just gonna let him take control of our streets and sell meth to all the kids in the neighborhood? Sarge, I'm tellin you that we can get him tonight! We just have to...'

'To what? To drive all over New York City and hunt him down?' I leaned forward and gave him a reprimanding look. 'Bosco...we can't do that. I told you already; we can do this _to-mor-row _when we talk to johnny what-ever and he'll tell us where to pick up Barnes.'

'But...we still have a shot...if we can find Johnny-two-time...then we can get him now!' He urged, running his hand over his ball cap. His whole body tight with emotion and anticipation. He sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his sculpted chest.

'Johnny is gonna be picked up tomorrow first thing...we still need to get our stuff together and make a better plan.'

'We should be out there now...not tomorrow...he could be selling to some little kid..like the last time...and we're just gonna sit here and do nothing.' He pleaded to me, his eyes growing wide as he watched for my reaction.

'Bosco...we wait. That's it...no more discussion about it.' I said, finishing my burger and slurping my last bit of pop. 'Why are you so hot to get this guy anyway?' I asked pulling my straw out of my mouth. It was the closest thing to a friendly question that we'd had all night.

He looked hard at me, as if trying to see if I was being sarcastic or if I was ready to stop all the banter, his eyes penetrated into mine and locked. He seemed on the verge of saying something important. He leaned forward on the table, and rested his arms on the dark wood and clasped his hands together. The muscles in his mouth twitched, as if he were fighting within himself to keep it all inside. I felt my heart beating madly in my chest and I was sure he could see the longing in my eyes, so I just opened my mouth and kept talking.

'What is it about _this_ guy that makes you so crazy?'

He opened his mouth and took in a deep breath. 'I...nothin...I just don't like junkies selling to kids six and seven years old...that kid that Holly and Carlos found...he was only six and a half...and I know...and you know it too, Sarge...it's Billy Barnes...he's out there...' He pointed toward the door. 'He's out there right now...I just know it...and next time maybe it will be someone's niece or nephew...or God forbid...someday it could be one of our kids...' He stopped in mid-sentence and froze.

I raised my eyebrow at stared at him, not sure what to say. I felt my face turn red, which was something that would surely give me away. Until him, I was impossible to embarrass, but what he had said hit me in a way that I wasn't prepared for. I knew he didn't mean it the way it sounded. The trouble was that I liked it. I had even fantasized about having a kid with him...little Boscorelli's running around...a boy and a girl maybe...oh, they would be so sweet...

'I didn't mean...I didn't mean..._our_ kids...I meant' He babbled stupidly. 'I meant...a kid that I might have and a kid that you might have...not from you and me...ya know...that was a stupid, stupid thing to say...as if _that _would ever happen.' He finished, not looking at me anymore.

Of course it was stupid. Stupid that I would fantasize about having a family with him while the idea almost revolted him to the point that he couldn't even look at me. I felt hurt and angry at his obvious disgust at the mere thought of him and I together.

'And here I was soooo worried about it.' I said sarcastically, ignoring the hurt look that momentarily flashed across his handsome features. 'And to answer you again..we are not going to do anything more tonight...now...can we end this conversation? It's a little too maternal for me.'

He rolled his eyes and crumpled up his napkin and threw it onto his, now, empty plate, disgusted by my lack of agreement to his brilliant plan. 'Fine. Whatever, Maritza. Do what you want...you always do.' He said in a defeated voice, lowering his head to the table top.

'Bosco...' I began tentatively.

Almost immediately, he snapped his head back up, his eyes flashing. 'Get over yourself...it was a slip of the tongue. It didn't mean anything.' He stood up and grabbed his bill. 'And it hasn't meant anything for a while, either, so don't get your ego in a knot.' He added and turned his back to me.

I had to suppress the urge to go after him and slap his beautiful face and let him know what it meant. It hurt so much to have him talk to me like that, like he didn't care. It seemed to me that his intent was to make me understand just how much he didn't love or even like me. Well, I was getting the point. Clearly getting it.

I gathered up my own bill and stood beside the table for a moment, just taking in the sight of him from behind. He paid and left a good tip to the blue-eyed blond waitress, who seemed very pleased and reached out to squeeze his arm affectionately. Encouraged by this, he leaned in and whispered something to her which induced a peal of laughter.

I walked up to the front of the restaurant and slapped my bill and a ten down on the top of the bar, startling the blond vixen, who was gazing into Bosco's eyes. He glanced at me before turning back to her. 'Don't mind her...she..'

'She is the one who decides if you get a paycheck or not'. I said hotly, looking from him to her. 'Go get em, tiger.' I said to the girl and winked. 'Although, you may be disappointed.' I added meanly before walking out the door and leaving him standing there.


	5. A Day At The Market

**A Day At The Market**

Saturday morning came bright and early with the sun peeking through the white curtains in my bedroom and making me bury my head as deep as it would go underneath my pillow. I could hear a bird chirping outside, welcoming me to a new day. What the hell did he have to be so cheery about anyway? Although, I was willing to bet that he hadn't made the monumental mistake that I had the night before and told some other 'chick' that he was planning on having baby birds with her someday when he wasn't even sure how she felt.

The incessant chatter of the bird brought my head out from under my pillow and I rolled over and caught a peek of him, a blue jay, strutting proudly on my window ledge, his chest puffed out as he tweaked and sang to all willing to listen. How easy he must have it, I thought to myself as I watched the tiny creature observe the world around him. No bills to pay, no family to support and no serious women troubles. I sat up on my elbow and rested my head in my hand, watching the New York sky line and groaned out loud thinking about the night before; namely my big mouth and how eternally stupid I could be.

How could I have let something like that slip out? How could I have inadvertently told her what I had secretly fantasized about all this time and in such a way that I couldn't have recovered or even told a lie to cover it up? I must have been slipping something awful, because I was never so out-of-control with my tongue before and I certainly had no problems keeping my real feelings to myself and never, ever, letting anyone hear what I had to say.

'Stupid...stupid...stupid!' I muttered, shaking my head. '_He's out there right now...I just know it...and next time maybe it will be someone's niece or nephew...or God forbid...someday it could be one of our kids...' ._ I continued on, mimicking myself as I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to hit the head.

'Why didn't you just ask her to meet you for a soda after math class?' I snapped at my reflection angrily. Of course, I didn't have answer to that question because if I had have had one I wouldn't be talking to myself and I wouldn't feel like such a dork. How was I supposed to face her now?

I stripped off my boxers and hopped into the shower and tried to concentrate on anything but Maritza Cruz and how she was driving me insane.

When I finished drying off I went back into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out of my walnut dresser and proceeded to get dressed. Then I went about making my queen sized bed, which amounted to me throwing my pillows at the top and lazily flinging the blankets into a somewhat strait order. What did I care? I was a bachelor and that was probably the way it would stay. I flung my navy blue duvet into the air and watched it fall haphazardously, making its mark, then threw my NYPD blanket near the bottom. It was good enough for me.

On a whim, hungry, and too lazy to fix myself something to eat, I decided to go to the market and get some treats. My stomach growled, urging me to hurry, hurry and fill it up. Buoyed by the idea of eating some fresh bread and homemade strawberry jam, I grabbed my keys and threw on my Nike's and slammed the door. I had a good few hours before I had to get back to the station for my shift and I intended to make the most of it.

When I was a kid, sometimes my ma would take Mikey and I to the Queen Street Market on Saturday afternoons, when dad wasn't around, and we would buy a fresh loaf of home made bread and a container of strawberry jam and sometimes if she had enough money she would give us both a dollar and we would buy cotton candy. I hadn't been to the market for at least a year or more and found myself walking faster just so I could get there early and see what goodies were left.

I thought about my brother and how different we were, yet the same, coming from the kind of home that wasn't fit for a pig to live in. We used to look forward to Saturday's as if it were Christmas because we knew that our father would be at the race track and not at home and that meant that there was a really good chance that he wouldn't be laying a hand on either of us or our mother for at least a day or two. How we used to wish the week would go by, just so Saturday would be there, waiting, our one true friend, our salvation. How sad for Mikey. For me.

It was a brilliant New York fall morning, the temperature hot ,but not too hot, and the sun was shining high in the blue sky and still, I was depressed. As I walked along the city streets and felt the leaves crackling beneath my feet, I listened to the sound of the cars honking and the children playing and realized that it didn't matter if Maritza didn't love me because even if she did I knew that in someway, big or small, I would end up hurting her in the end. Maybe it was for the best that she detested me as much as she did. I couldn't help my mother or my brother and I had let both of them down. It seemed as though I would always be letting someone I loved down.

Quickly enough I found myself at the entrance, foolishly wondering why I hadn't come here for so long and then laughed sarcastically to myself, knowing the answer. It reminded me too much of my childhood and all that went along with it; no money, hardly any food, the beatings, the fights. It all came back to me as I stood outside the limits, my hand curled around the black wrought-iron gate, watching myself as a young boy, tugging my brother by the hand as we ran around from one vendor to the other, beguiled by the treats and the wonderful toys and candies that could be ours to look at but to never touch. The aromas of freshly baked breads and sweets drifted over to my nostrils, reminding me of the food that could be mine, if I chose to walk through the gate.

I started toward the kiosk that held my heart's desire; hot sweetbread dipped in honey and dug some money out of my pocket when I saw her. I could have sworn it was Cruz, but this woman seemed more classy, more elegant, looking more like she could have been a sister or a cousin. But upon closer inspection I saw that it _was_ Maritza, but not the woman I was used to seeing.

She was walking over to the kiosk next to mine and she looked so damn beautiful in a way that I hadn't seen her before, I was speechless. She was wearing a pair of white capri pants with a turquoise turtleneck sweater and short cut jean jacket. On her feet were a pair of white sneakers and short socks that showed off the color of her dark skin perfectly. But that wasn't what threw me. She wore her hair in two thick braids that went halfway down her back. It was so out of character, to see her dressed so casually, so classy and elegant that I felt my heart swell for her in a way that it never had before. She almost seemed like another person, not pushy and arrogant, not in a hurry, as she walked slowly and lazily toward her destination, eating a handful of pink cotton candy and seemingly enjoying herself, every once in a while stopping to push her sunglasses back to the center of her head, where they were perched.

Terrified that she would see me and that I would say something even more stupid, if that was possible, I quickly turned to walk the other way , turning too fast on my ankle and tripped over an overlay in the concrete and crashed to the ground. I put my hands out in front of me to brace my fall but I didn't go gracefully.

At that moment, she turned her lovely head and looked my way, as did quite a few other bystanders, and opened her mouth into a surprised 'o'. She threw down her cotton candy and ran over to my side and stood above me.

'Boscorelli, what in the hell are you doin here?'

I struggled to get up quickly and rolled over onto my elbow and pushed myself back up onto my feet and brushed off my jeans. The heat in my face was evident as Maritza looked me over with a tiny bit of amusement, mixed with pleasure at seeing me fall flat on my ass.

'I...uh...I was walking...' I stuttered, so embarrassed I felt ill at ease and clumsy around her.

She curled her lips up, the way she always did, to show that she was still in control. No matter what she was wearing, or how she had her hair, she was still cool and collected. That little sneer had become her calling card and I instinctivly knew that she was still playing ice princess.

'So...are you all set for tonight?' She asked, narrowing her eyes lazily as she looked at me. Oh damn, that stare was what had gotten me into her in the first place.

'Yep...all set.' I said, looking around, staring at everything. I felt like such a moron.

'We're gonna get him, you know.'

I nodded. 'Ya. I know.'

I didn't know what to say to this woman who drove me nuts, who beguiled me in more ways than one, who made me feel primal in my need to possess her. I scuffed the toe of my sneaker on the cement and decided that the only way to redeem myself and my behavior for last night was to apologize.

'Listen, Sarge...' I began.

'Maritza.' She said softly, taking me by surprise. 'We're not at work. You can call me Maritza.'

I swallowed and began again. 'Maritza...I'm sorry for being such a jerk yesterday...and I'm sorry about that 'kid' bit...it came out wrong and I jus wanted ya ta know that...'

She had a softer, kinder look in her eye then, the kind of look that she had given me when we were together and it warmed my heart and started to make me think that maybe she still had feelings for me. I felt my pulse quicken and my stomach flutter.

'I know...it's ok..' She said, smiling a tight smile, almost like she was disappointed. 'So...what were you here for again?'

'I'm getting some bread.' I said, so nervous now that she was so close to me that I could reach out and touch her if I wanted.

'I see...' She said softly, grinning a bit and definitely a lot nicer than she had been to me in two weeks. She turned and gestured toward a Hagen Daaz vendor. 'So...I was just gonna get some ice cream...'

'Oh...ya...I guess I should let you go...then.' I said, gaping stupidly at the woman, who I was sure, could have been the love of my life.

This time she gave me a full fledged smile, as if she knew how twisted up inside I had become at the very sight of her. 'Aw, come on and have some ice cream with me, Bosco. Let's make up and be friends...we gotta work together don't we?' She asked sweetly.

' Friends?' This was not a woman I wanted to be friends with. I didn't feel one bit friendly toward her. I loved her. I wanted her. To be every part of her. Friends just wouldn't do. However, I pasted a small grin on my face, wistful and longing, making my eyes burn with emotion, which I'm sure she caught.

She looked away for a quick second, then slid her black sunglass down over her nose and grabbed me and threaded her arm through mine. 'Ya. Let's start ova and be friends. We won't get anywhere if we can't even be decent to each other. You're a good cop, Bos, and I sorry that I don't say that enough.'

I stopped in mid-track and looked over at her, not believing a word she said. She grinned at me, this time with no holds barred and laughed. ' What? You don't believe me? I can be sensitive you know.' She said in all seriousness.

Now it was _my_ turn to laugh.

' Ya...sensitive as an alligator.' I scoffed playfully, earning a smack on my stomach and her tongue stuck out at me.

' Don't you wish.' She countered, and tugged on my arm. ' Come on...I want some chocolate..what kind do you want?' She said, breaking her physical contact with me and walking over to the vender.

What did I want? Well, there was about a million things I wanted from life and none of them were destined to come true, I thought to myself. I was still having trouble getting used to the idea that she was being nice to be, genuinely nice, like she missed me in those two weeks. Like she was really wanting to spend time with me. Trouble was, that I liked that too much. I had missed the hell out of her and I wanted to believe that she would like me again. But if something happened and things went sour, I knew that my heart would be breaking again.

Could I trust her? Could I again put my heart on the line for someone I knew could be impossible and bull-headed and hurtful? Someone so much like myself at times? I pushed the thoughts away and smiled at her, really smiled and walked over to the kiosk.

' What ever you're having.'

TBC


	6. Finding You Again

After the day at the market with Bosco, little changes began to emerge in our friendship. It truly was a friendship that I could live with and I was secretly thrilled over it. Even if we never became more than friends again I still had him watching my back. The only hard part was remembering what it was like to have him hold me and cuddle me close to his side and make me feel safe.

He seemed to be so shocked to see me wearing casual clothes that day, as if I couldn't possibly clean up and wear anything other than jeans and a t-shirt, but I liked it. Liked the way he stared at me with his eyes skimming up and down. He seemed to be nervous at seeing me dressed like a classy woman, and yet, I could tell he was pleased.

He had let me take his arm again after we got our ice cream and we went strolling through the market looking at all the vendors and their wares. We laughed a lot and made jokes about work and life and had such a good time I was sorry that we had to go to work.

He had walked me to the entrance, where we were going to part, and gave me a genuine smile of pleasure before reaching out and lightly rubbing my arm for a second. ' I'll see you later, Ritza.' He'd said softly before turning and walking left. 'Later.' I turned right and headed home to change into my street clothes.

Yoshi was back at work that day so we didn't need Bosco in Anti-crime but I did see him a few times during the shift, passing by him in the halls and at role call. He kept his smile small and tight, as if he were afraid that the good time we had at the market had ended at the gate. I was nervous too, for if he hurt me again I didn't think I could recover. Just ask any woman who has had what Maurice Boscorelli can give; He's all that and more and he can take you to a place that you've never been to before, but you would swear that you were home.

During the next two weeks, we met twice for lunch when Faith wasn't around and went to the Policeman's Ball together as 'friends', but I could have sworn that he didn't want to be my friend when he held me close as we were dancing, his cheek pressed against mine, his breathing soft against my neck. I knew that everyone was staring at us, wondering what was going on between him and I, but I didn't give a damn. I was where I wanted to be. And that was enough.

I felt myself falling for him all over again, but in a way that I hadn't before. The first time we were together we had fallen into bed on the night that my sister was killed. It had been physical for both of us, an animal attraction that couldn't be stopped. But this time, we were really getting to know one another and learning little things about each other that maybe no one else knew, except for Faith. It made me intensely jealous to think that she knew him better than I did. Hell, she had twelve years under her belt compared to me. But I had him. He was becoming mine all over again and it made me happy.

He had never been attracted to Faith in that way. He loved her, he respected her and he would lay down his life for her because she was his partner at work. But I knew, more than ever, that I was becoming his partner outside of work. And I loved it. She wasn't any competition for me, and as the days passed, I began to feel more secure in this new friendship that we had joined. The feelings of jealousy thinned until they were hardly there at all. I knew that Faith still hated me but she knew that she had to tread lightly because I could tell that every time I spent time with Bosco that he was falling for me too, and if I was a part of his life than she had to accept it or lose what they had.

The weird thing about it was that not once had either of us talked about what was going on, if anything. He was hard to read and I didn't make it perfectly clear what my intentions were. There were times that I thought he wanted to say something, but he never did.

Then one night after work a bunch of us went to Haggarty's for a beer. It had been a long shift and we were all tired and beaten down. We had been working on a case involving a pedophile who had raped and killed two small children. The scene was gruesome, with seeing the dead bodies of those small, innocent babies, who were now, nothing but bloody and broken. Their genitals badly mangled and their faces barely recognizable. It was one of the most horrific scenes I had ever seen and I wasn't prepared for it. Who could possibly be prepared for something like that? I swallowed back my own tears and turned and looked Bosco.

But what really threw me was the way that he could not handle what he saw. He was usually very animated and flapped his mouth a lot, but this time was different. This time he could barely keep it together long enough to look at the kids and not cry. His face contorted into a horrible, almost animalistic grimace, as he surveyed the scene. He put his hand over his mouth and muttered words that I could not hear, and looked away, terribly affected, as we all were.

Two new medics arrived who we had never met before. One, a tall African American male, and the other, a short Caucasian, female, were in a hurry to get the bodies and take them to the morgue. I disliked both of them immediately, as I'm sure everyone else did.

It wasn't just that they were in a hurry to get out of there, it was the way they looked at those poor children, with no feeling, no sympathy at all. The coroner had already established a time of death and the crime scene investigators had already collected the evidence and now it was time to put the children to rest.

'What a mess.' One commented dryly to the other as they approached the two children. Both were laying on their sides in a pool of their own blood, which was sticky and copper smelling. The little boy still clung to a small blue blanket, which was probably his only comfort in his last moments, if he had any.

'Let's get it over with. I gotta get back and get ready for dinner.' The woman said, making a face at the scene before her. 'Gross.'

She turned to face me, displeasure all over her snotty face. 'Couldn't you have got the coroner to clean this up before we got here? This is disgusting.' She said as she ripped the blanket out of the child's hand and threw it to the ground beside her.

In a flash Bosco was bending down and picking up the bloody blanket in his trembling hands, his face aflame with anger. He addressed the female with a scalding stare. ' Sorry this has been such an inconvenience to you. Why don't you just do your job at keep your damn mouth shut?'

She recoiled, as if he had slapped her face. ' Oh ya? Why don't you mind your own business? I don't get paid enough to pick up something as gross as this. You wanna do it?' She challenged, grimacing her ugly face at him.

He nodded furiously. 'Ya. I do. He deserves better than to have your cold bony hands touch his skin.' He yelled at her.

' Fine. Do what you like.' She muttered, stepping back and folding her arms over her chest.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at his loss of control. Other officers stood back with twin expressions of anger and disgust on their faces. Seeing murdered children was always the hardest part of our job and no one was going to come to the aid of the two cold hearted paramedics.

I stepped forward and gently placed my hand on his shoulder. 'Bosco..let her do her job.'

He yanked out of my grasp and knelt down next to the boy and laid the blue blanket on the ground and gently rolled him over onto it. He wrapped the corners around him and tucked the ends under his cold chin and gently lifted him onto the stretcher.

The male paramedic stepped forward to get the little girl and Bosco held up his hand. 'Don't touch her. I got her.' He said and knelt down again and wrapped the child in a towel and placed her beside her companion in death.

The guy looked over at me with an expression of annoyance to see if I'd say anything to reprimand Bosco but I just stared at him with a disgusted look. He backed away and let Bosco do what had to be done.

Even though they were both dead and had died a terrible death, and there was no reason for him to have covered their small, battered bodies, he had done so with tenderness and sympathy. It was a far cry from the Bosco I had known before. He wanted them to be wrapped and shielded from the view of everyone else. He silently wiped a tear from his eye and turned to me.

' Let's go.'

He said it simply and with no demand. Just a request to leave this scene of horror and the images that were now permanently burned into our brains.

The mood at Haggerty's was somber and filled with little chatter, but lot's of drinking. Bosco had downed four shots to my one within the first ten minutes of being there. We all seemed anxious to put the day's horror behind us and drink away the tension and that always came after a hard case.

By one o'clock we had pretty much scattered to different tables and with different people. I didn't leave Bosco alone for a second, afraid that he couldn't be alone and decided to tell him that he could stay at my place for the night. The last thing either one of us needed was to face the rest of this night alone.

We walked to my place, or rather, I had to half drag him because he was so drunk. He hadn't mentioned a word about the days events but I knew they were still clearly in his mind, no matter how much alcohol he had consumed.

He put up no fight when I told him to take the bed, only sank back into the soft mattress and closed his eyes. I tucked him in and turned out the light and went into the living room and opened another beer. I sat down on my brown leather couch and flipped on the tv.

My mind was racing as I went through the channels and stopped to watch the news. A segment on the two children was playing, their faces flashed before me, making me want to throw up. All of a sudden, I could hold back no longer and the tears started to cascade down my face, hot and stinging, as I cried for two babies who would never again see the light of day or go to the park or see their parents.

We had contacted their parents, a wealthy Lousianna couple who had been vacationing in the area. It was the hardest thing in the world, looking at the young couple and telling them what had happened to their children. They were devastated, of course, and the mother had to be given a sedative. The kids were a set of twins, Dallas and Dana Pope, of Terrebonne Perish. They were only three years old. As I watched the news, a picture was put up of them, healthy and alive. They were brown haired, and blue eyed beauties who looked healthy and happy. I cried even harder. It made them more real to me, to see them as they were.

I jumped at the sudden touch of a hand on my shoulder. Bosco stood beside me, his face a mask of pain and torment as he slowly slid down beside me.

I shut my eyes and shook my head. 'I'm ok. I'm ok.' I chanted, trying to regain control.

He put his arm around me and squeezed tight. 'No..you're not...neither of us are ok...' He whispered tenderly.

I looked over at him, my eyes searching every part of his soul, and found myself needing him like I had never needed anyone before. He looked back, his eyes welling up with tears, as he fought to control is own emotions.

'Bos...' I croaked, turning and wrapping my arms around his neck. He clung to me and broke like a damn, his tears matching my own. We rocked back and forth, holding and comforting one another.

When we had both stopped crying, he pulled back and kissed my cheek. Impetuously, I leaned back and kissed him in the same place and like a tidal wave, we kissed each other over and over again until our lips met and held.

He pulled apart from me for a moment and studied my face. " Ritza...this...this can't happen...if it's only a one night thing...I can't let myself do this again...' He said earnestly, searching my face.

'What do you mean?' I asked.

' I want you...so much it kills me...but if this isn't going to be anything more than comfort...than I need to know...I'm crazy about you.' He breathed quickly.

I felt my heart soar at his words. 'I'm crazy about you too...and I don't want a one night stand...I want every night.' I confessed, my heart beating madly.

And so, he kissed me again and again, until we could no longer stand to be apart. In his eyes I drowned over and over again. His every kiss, every caress, meant to let me know how serious he was. He loved me. He told me again and again. And I responded. For the first time in my life.

No matter how long it took me to get there, I knew that I had found my place in life. It was easy to pretend that you didn't feel anything when you were amidst your daily routine...but at home, behind closed doors, the heart couldn't lie.

It never lies.

The End.


End file.
